Rerun and a glimpse into my life now...

Zillions of thoughts and ideas for posts running through my mind! So much has happened in the last year. Happy thoughts, sad thoughts, good things, bad things...amazing how much my life has changed! Sometimes I cant believe I am the same person who spent all of 2007 and half of 2008 planning for this move.

Oh my God those were hard days! What were the hardest parts? Realizing I had to give up so many material possessions, trying (and mostly failing) to sell them, so much stuff just ending up in the garbage! Trying to raise the money to make this move. The tragic death of my beloved pit bull Kenya about a month before I left. And worst of all, knowing my kids would no longer be just a few hours away--that I could visit them anytime I wanted. Truth to tell, I spent a lot of my first year here in Egypt trying to recover from all that trauma. I think for a long time I was shell-shocked! But things began to improve after I passed the first year mark and I moved to my new apartment here. I think I've managed to put all that drama in perspective--finally!

I have to stop here and give kudos to my daughter, who in my absence has done a wonderful job of keeping the family together. She is in constant touch with her brothers, travels often to see them, holds family gatherings, cooks them the foods they love that I used to cook for them, and in general just does everything I used to do. Bless her sweet heart...she is truly a treasure and her brothers love her all the more for it. And I think it helps all of them to miss me less, since they are so close. Alhamdulilah for that.

Getting settled here and accepting that Egypt was very unlike the USA was also a test of my commitment to make my life here permanent. I'd be lying if I said I never thought about going back. Oh yes I sure did! Days when I missed my kids so much I thought I would die from the pain. Days when trying to get anything done here took a supreme amount of effort, from shopping in an open air market to getting internet service to trying to express complicated concepts in a language other than my own.

P.A.T.I.E.N.C.E. One can not survive here without it--and lots of it! Nothing comes quick or easy here. Everything becomes an issue. Absolutely every day brought another challenge and to some extent still does. And truth to tell, before, I wasn't always up to it. Somehow I just flew by the seat of my pants and other times honestly I shut down for a bit. But as I slowly found my way in this new world, I started to see light at the end of the tunnel, and life here--most days--became second nature.

So like the phoenix rising, I was able to rise out of what felt like a damaged life, and work towards truly finding myself again.

Why I started a new blog...

I really loved writing Amreekia Min Bab Al Sharayah. (That link wont work unless you have permission to read it cuz it's private now). I started it back in July 2007, sort of as mental preparation and self-encouragment for my pending move to Egypt. It took me nearly a year to prepare for it, and there were pitfalls, delays and some serious sadness along the way. I basically dont want to remember it all when I go to that page, and towards the end there were things I shared with personal friends that I didnt want the world to read. So I created this new blog to get back in touch with the true spirit of why I began blogging in the first place...to record my adventures as an expat living in a foreign country.....a country I love (and sometimes hate) that despite it's faults, is now, truly, my home.

Forgot this pic...and an update!

This pic was the reason I did that "gotta love Egypt" post to begin with! But I couldnt find it---luckily I did. This is typical Egypt. Gotta laugh about a lot of things.

Moving ahead, I spoke with my landlord today--an absolutely wonderful man--and told him we will be leaving the house by the end of March. I'd told him last summer when I renewed the lease that I would probably be moving out before the term was up. Ever the sweetheart, he asked me only for 60 days notice--which he got today! He'll probably put the "For Rent" signs up soon.

Looks like there's no turning back now huh? Actually it hasnt even entered my mind. I cant wait to be done and gone. I will finally, insha Allah, get some rest and peace of mind in Egypt.....sleeping guards not withstanding! Notice the guard on the left and the position of his gun...I have seen this so many times--that and leaning their chins on the barrel. Arent they afraid they'll blow their brains out??? As I have said before, there's nothing if not baraka in Egypt. Alhamdulilah!

Gotta Love EGYPT!!!

Just a few examples of why I love Egypt. Not everyone gets a kick out of these things like I do...but to me, local color is everything.

I know there is baraka in the day, but a whole extra hour's worth?

Sounds like a happenin' kind of place huh? NOT!

Except if you are a road sign.



Yoohoo...spell check anyone?

What can I even say about this one?

Snobs!

Egyptian ambulance...those less severely injured must stand.

Just wondering where the seats are???

Passing more hurdles

Alhamdulilah, things are moving right along. We had a great time at my son's wedding and it was more than wonderful to have my kids home. I miss them so much and know I will miss them even more in Egypt. But they will come to visit, insha Allah, for sure. They have all lived there before, and while the boys are not thrilled with actually living there again, my daughter is married to a man from Kafr Al Duwar, and they most likely will settle there or in Alex one day. So she at least will be closer on a full time basis.

The kids took a lot of their belongings, and I gave them each some special things I wanted them to have. But--yes there's always a but--they still left too much of their stuff here. The USCG moved my son's things a few days ago, and the other 2 kids have only until the estate sale to get the rest of their junk outta here. If I cant sell it, it goes in the garbage. How many times must a mother beg for her kids to take charge of their own property? It's been here so long I am quite sure they don't need it, but there are things here I am sure have some sentimental value attached--maybe more for me than them. One more chance--and it's gone...end of story.

Now I begin the task of removing everything I want to keep, out of each room. Only those items to be sold can remain. What I want to take--or store at my daughter's house--hahaha--the tables will now turn, has to be hidden away. The estate seller told me customers will go into everything--even if it is sealed shut or marked "not for sale". So I have one month to rid the rooms of anything I don't want to give up, as she and her crew will actually be here the last week of February to set up. I'm on it!

Good news...moving forward!

Finally met the estate seller who really seems to know what she's doing. The sale is set for March 2. Everything goes, except the few things I will take to Egypt. It's a bit scary to give up everything Mom and I worked hard for over our lifetimes, yet nothing compares to the peace of mind I know I can count on in Egypt. Soon the house will be empty, except for the suitcases we're packing. And the dog--and cat. Yes, the animals are going. Wouldn't leave my babies behind!

I will book the tickets right after the sale. Do some legal and power-of-attorney type stuff for my kids here in USA. And then...insha Allah, we're off. I expect to arrive in Egypt no later than the end of March. If Allah wills.

I expect some last minute jitters. Saying goodbye to many people and things in this city I probably will never see again in my life. That's a sobering thought. But the kids have all settled far from here, so there's really no reason to come back. I might get teary-eyed when I leave, but I know I wont miss it. Probably wont give it much thought later on. Too many stressful memories built up in this city. I associate it with only negative experiences. Sometimes there's a lot of good in goodbye.

It's EID in Egypt and I'm still not there!

Can you hear me sobbing?

Yes, I should have been gone by now, I know. In fact I started this "Egyptian" blog over 5 months ago-- even though I have a few others that detail my life here in USA--thinking I would be leaving soon and would have much to tell. But that hasn't happened. But other stuff has...sh*t happens so they say, and it's particularly true in my case. I've been through the wringer since I first planned on moving back to Egypt and it hasn't been fun, believe me. Whoever said "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" really knew what they were talking about. Yes, I've become incredibly strong in the face of so many difficulties these past few months. But that doesn't ease the pain of spending one more Eid here in USA, and missing one more in Egypt. Oh it's so painful I can't stand it. I pray I live long enough to see the next Eid in Misr! Ameen.

I guess the good news is I got screwed by the first "estate seller" I found, and then in a strange twist of fate, while combing the yellow pages for something unrelated, found four other estate sellers whom for the life of me I couldn't find previously! I finally settled on one I think could sell ice to the Eskimos, so that means more traveling money for me, insha Allah. Of course this is all part of Allah's plan. Other things came up which necessitated my being here in America for longer than I'd anticipated. Some serious health issues, the marriage of my son in October and the impending reception in early January, a stay in the hospital for my mother--who had a simple infection that was actually affecting her brain, and a few other things I could discuss if I wanted to put you all to sleep. Since I don't, I wont. But suffice it to say I can see Allah's wisdom in the delays. I pray I can always accept Allah's will for me...Ameen.

But still, it hurts to be here. Especially on Eid. I became Muslim over 25 years ago in the city in which I am living now. I only stayed a few years here after that, and moved with my Egyptian husband and children to New Jersey. Funny but I think most Egyptian immigrants manage to pass through NJ at least once during their lives here. It's like a mandatory thing--Egyptians must live for a few years in NJ. That's the rule. We spent many years there. Then he passed away in an accident and it was up to me to carry on and raise my 3 children without him. That meant moving to wherever I could find a better job, as I was a teacher in Islamic schools. Even though the salaries were low, we made it by the grace of Allah. And just when I thought we were finally settled in a place we loved, and I had secured a job in an Islamic school which (finally) paid well and offered benefits too, my Mom became very ill and I had to come back home to care for her. Had I known she would have recovered to the extent she did, I would have taken her back to where I was settled, but I didn't. Alhamdulilah she recovered well, and somehow I just stayed here in the city of my birth. I never liked it here, even when I was a child. I always wanted out. All those years away let me forget how much I disliked it. It's a fairly big northeastern city with a redneck small town populace. And it's gotten even worse since 911, as has just about everything for Muslims in this country. And also having been gone for so long, I found so many folks I new had long since moved away. In fact I only have two Muslim friends here, and see them rarely. The masjid, like so many in USA, is a bureaucratic nightmare filled with too many wannabe chiefs and not enough Indians. Again, like so many masajid in USA. So no, I'm not a happy camper here, especially during the Eids. In fact I no longer participate in any Islamic activities here. I find my peace of mind more intact when I stay away. Nuf said.

What it comes down to is this...life here is just sooooooo very different than life in Egypt. Egypt today reminds me of America 50 years ago. When faith and family where the focus of one's life. When things didn't move so fast. When a good time was packing up the family and a picnic lunch and heading off to the park or beach for a day of fun and relaxation. When you could actually afford to buy gas to go on vacation and your tankful cost less than your motel room! When it was safe to walk the streets after dark. Where you could discipline your neighbors kid without fear of a lawsuit. Where morals and manners counted for a lot. Where if you got a spanking at school--yes they really did allow that at one time--you got a worse one at home. Ah...the good old days.

I know Egypt isn't Paradise. I know that satellite dishes and the internet are rapidly taking their inherent problems into a country that now tries to imitate too much of the west. It's not perfect. But there's still a lot of respect for family--and traditions.

If I was in Egypt today celebrating Eid al Adha, I'd be surrounded by family and friends. We would have cooked liver and other organs for breakfast from the sheep we slaughtered, and "fatah" for dinner. The kids would be all dressed up in their new clothes, having gone to sleep the night before in their new pajamas. They'd all be running around, getting their Eidayahs (a small gift of money) from the relatives and neighbors. There would have been the obligatory visit to the amusement park, zoo or public garden. Some would have gone to graves to pray for their dead. Customs would be strictly followed and the day would have been over too soon. And yet, 3 more days of celebration would follow until everyone was finally able to say "enough". Oh how I miss it.

Especially since I spent it cleaning the house. And no, we didn't eat the traditional lamb and rice dish. We couldn't afford to slaughter an animal here, and somehow it's just not the same when you have to run to the grocery store to buy a non-halal leg of lamb. We opted for chicken instead. And made du'ah that this is our last Eid outside of Egypt...Ameen.